April 16, 2011

Maluslacrimocorpophobia (or fear of ugly cry face)

Posted in Random at 11:27 am by sewknotwrite

OK, so I completely made that word up using what little Latin I know.

I am currently experiencing a fear of the “ugly cry face”, or UCF.  It has even permeated my dreams.  In one dream, my cry face was so ugly that all of the guests gasped in shock and horror and fled the scene.  Another dream had my face frozen in UCF for the entirity of my wedding and the only solution was to get it surgically fixed.  Seriously, y’all.  Those dreams were bad.  I woke up in a total panic.

Honestly, I didn’t even realize the UCF existed until I read wedding blogs and forums.  I was just toddling along thinking, “If I cry at my wedding, oh well” and not even registering the fact that the crying would be captured by photogs and that more than likely said crying would be UGLY.  Eek!  As a former student of the stage, I thought it might be a good idea to study common side effects of “ugly cry face” and what methods might be used to combat it.

  1. Forehead Wrinklage
  2. Running Make-up
  3. Splotchy Face
  4. Nose Leakage and Nostril Flare
  5. Weird Mouth
  6. Cottage Cheese Chin
Most of these problems can be solved with simple relaxation and breathing.  Being calm, in control and relaxed means the facial muscles won’t constrict and turn scary.  I am a very private crier and hate crying in front of people (unless I’ve been asked to do so for theatrical purposes), so any time I feel a cry coming on in a public place I relax, breathe and repeat a calming mantra in my head.  Unfortunately, the calming mantra would not be good on my wedding day.  I need to be focused…and say stuff…and participate.  I should be in the moment instead of trying to avoid UCF!  Maybe a wedding related mantra? 🙂

If relaxation and breathing don’t work, use props.  Simple problems like tears and nose leakage can be solved with a sweet and dainty handkerchief.  It is also good to note that the hankie will cover the Weird Mouth, Nostril Flare and Cottage Cheese Chin when you demurely dab at your runny nose.  Don’t try to fight the UCF facial contortions when/if you feel them coming on!  This will only make the face even more distorted…and nobody wants to see that.

For running make-up, get yourself a kick-ass make-up artist and invest in waterproof mascara.  There’s also a great make-up setter we use in the theatre called Final Seal by Ben Nye.  It’s minty, comes in a small spray bottle and seals your make-up so that pesky crying and sweating does not effect it.  Sweet!

Whew!  I almost feel like talking about UCF has made me feel better about it!  I know I won’t be able to control it all and if I cry, I cry. It’s part of being human.

Are you experiencing “ugly cry face” phobias and dreams too?
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